Have I got rectal cancer?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't know how to stop googling... I have basically nothing to reassure me anymore like I did after the appointment so every time I google or look something to do with colon cancer up my last remaining ounce of happiness in that moment will disappear

I know it sounds stupid but my mind FORCES me to google, like I need to satisfy the horrible urge.

How can I stop myself from doing it, it's the stuff of nightmares

I know how this feels, mine was the same. Whilst Googling has never been an issue for me my others felt like I was physically being pulled.

What you can do is take yourself out of that situation. Insert waiting time to distance the point between the trigger thoughts and the compulsion. Given how you are only starting out with recovery alternative actions such as taking yourself away from the temptation would be better for you. So, go and do something and do it for 15 minutes.

You need to get and do some stuff. Anything. Go do some cleaning for your mum, I'm sure she would appreciate some help. But get up and doing things. You won't stop yourself in this cycle if you are sitting in front of a computer.

[Toby2000]

I know how this feels, mine was the same. Whilst Googling has never been an issue for me my others felt like I was physically being pulled.

What you can do is take yourself out of that situation. Insert waiting time to distance the point between the trigger thoughts and the compulsion. Given how you are only starting out with recovery alternative actions such as taking yourself away from the temptation would be better for you. So, go and do something and do it for 15 minutes.

You need to get and do some stuff. Anything. Go do some cleaning for your mum, I'm sure she would appreciate some help. But get up and doing things. You won't stop yourself in this cycle if you are sitting in front of a computer.

It's awful because now I know it can't be hemorrhoids because of how dark the bloody mucus was and it just wouldn't make sense for it to be them

I will try doing the waiting time thing. I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist it though

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's awful because now I know it can't be hemorrhoids because of how dark the bloody mucus was and it just wouldn't make sense for it to be them

I will try doing the waiting time thing. I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist it though

You know you have roids though so can experience their symptoms. The dark stuff could be dried blood as you have said. And you have been checked over quite recently.

Yep, watch for a pattern. No pattern, no point following up.

[Toby2000]

You know you have roids though so can experience their symptoms. The dark stuff could be dried blood as you have said. And you have been checked over quite recently.

Yep, watch for a pattern. No pattern, no point following up.

I would have just expected all of the blood I saw to be more fresh if it was from roids. Yes some of it that was separate was a brighter red but in some cases it looked like blood had tinged and mixed in with the mucus-y stool when I was wiping to create like a weird dark-brown with a hint of red color. I can't describe it well enough but that makes me think it was from further up, as well as the fact that there was a little bit in the looser yet solid diarrhoea. Not IN it but like on the edge of it as if it was embedded. I don't know

[BlueIris]

By finding something else to do.

[MrsEd]

I honestly cant stop gagging at that thought Toby, you need to go to the GP about your health anxiety.

My mym DOES have cancer Toby, she has had it for 3 years. Various treatments ect. Sure, she has days when she feels shitty, but the rest of the time she is enjoying her life as normal.

[Toby2000]

I honestly cant stop gagging at that thought Toby, you need to go to the GP about your health anxiety.

My mym DOES have cancer Toby, she has had it for 3 years. Various treatments ect. Sure, she has days when she feels shitty, but the rest of the time she is enjoying her life as normal.

What thought?

And that attitude is amazing. It's just because I'm so young... I haven't lived yet and this particular cancer in the later stages is very aggressive and I feel like that's what stage mine is at if I do have it.

[MrsEd]

The thought of you eating your own poo...

My mums is stage 4. She is still here and doesnt plan on going anywhere for a while. Plesse just start living your life.

[Carys]

You did WHAT? you got some 'item' out of your own poo and tasted it to see if it was food! Come on Toby, you should have stopped yourself WAY before doing that - and told yourself how it was a rather dumb and revolting idea. Checking and pushing 'bits' around to assess is one thing, THAT is quite another. Toby, do something about the complete rubbish you are eating, you demonstrate an appalling diet and then wonder why you have intermittent constipation and the runs, that yes, set off hemmi bleeding.

[Toby2000]

You did WHAT? you got some 'item' out of your own poo and tasted it to see if it was food! Come on Toby, you should have stopped yourself WAY before doing that - and told yourself how it was a rather dumb and revolting idea. Checking and pushing 'bits' around to assess is one thing, THAT is quite another. Toby, do something about the complete rubbish you are eating, you demonstrate an appalling diet and then wonder why you have intermittent constipation and the runs, that yes, set off hemmi bleeding.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was just desperate

But I don't see how it can be hemorrhoid bleeding if the blood was so old, some bleeding clearly went on after I finished on the toilet that first time I saw blood again

And the strand of mucus, TMI I know, was like stuck to the stool almost like inbetween two bits of harder stool, I don't know, I just don't see how that could've possibly come from my rectum

I'm sorry :(