Hi Everyone.

Wow! What an exellant website / forum. I have been battleing with anxiety for over a year now and although you're told that it's common and you're not alone it's hard to believe when you're in the 'thick of it'. Just reading some of the messages on this site has given me so much strength to fight this awful disorder. Especially as so many have had symptoms like mine and have made excellant progress, if not got over it completely.

My experiences started just over a year ago when I ran to a presentation at work, sat down and WHAM!! OUt of the blue I had a racing heart beat, couldn't breath, dizzy, hot etc. I managed to calm myself down but was obviously shaken (I've also been a bit of a hypercondriac(?) as well). This episode sparked off months of being over aware and senstive to the sensations I felt that day to the point I kept bringing them on, usually in situations where I felt nervous about it happening (Meeting, Hairdressers etc.)

After seeing the Doctor and getting blood tests I was told it was anxiety and learn to relax (useful). I perservered for months until I began to get it under some kind of control. I was no longer getting full blown attacks, just periods where I felt I had to control my breathing (Great, I thought). Then, oe day at work I was pretty tense, as was my throat, and I choked slightly on some apple... oh dear! New symptom approaching.

This was about 2 months ago. Since then I have developed a fear of swallowing / choking making meals really difficult / impossible at times. I am now seeing a Councellor who has basically gone through the fact it is caused by anxiety / fear / being tense. We've looked at relaxation, thought analysis, thought changing, positive thinking etc. It has kinda helped but I think I have now fully accepted there is no quick fix and nothing anyone else can really do - It's down to me. This has made things get worse.

I now have a fear of my swallowing reflex stopping! Just losing the ability to swallow. Logically I know it makes no sense, but then anxiety related fears don't seem to. I scared of the slightest sensation that feels wrong in my throat. Worried it's the start of it getting worse. Worried that if I do choke, just once, I'll latch onto that feeling and not be able to eat / swallow. I'm trying to not think about it but I even have problems swallowing saliva at times. I spend all day with the sensation that I need to swallow. That if I don't I'll choke. So I swallow. Over and over until my throat is so dry that I worry it will stick / close / or something. Also, this make my throat feel really 'tired' making meals even harder.

Generally breakfast is ok, lunch is difficult and dinner is the worst so I know it's because I've got more tired / run down. Especially as I hate my job and dread having to talk to people, go to meetings, give presentations in case I can't talk because I can't swallow some saliva or I'm gagging because I'm trying to swallow 'nothing'. I'm looking at changing my job but I'm worried I won't change soon enough and one day I'll have a really bad attack and just have to leave. Then everyone will know. I want to go on long-term sickness to try and sort this out without getting through work each day but I feel this is giving in and would probably make it worse. My heads a mess. I don't know where to go. I'm trying to be postive, strong, fight it, challenge it. All the things everyone keeps telling me will work but I'm so tired of feeling this way.

Please can someone let me know if any additional theapies, like hypnosis, CBT, Raki, Reflexology has helped them. I feel I need something extra from an external source to get through this, but I don't know what. Councelling has hit a bit of a dead end. My last session he basically said you know what you have to do - go do it! As easy as that eh? I'm seeing him again in 2 weeks but at the moment I can't see the point.

Sorry to go on a bit. On a lighter note. I'm Ben. I'm 25 and work as a Mechanical Engineer in Stevenage (although not fo