Another 'Trying Day' for me..........
And.........
My partner who also suffers with anxiety, but in a different form to me, had what he calls 'poison coming out of his skin'. Not literally poison of course, that is his terminology for the red blotches that suddenly appear all over his body when he gets over stressed. At least he knows what it is and why it occurs.
He was like this because he had found out by way of post that his mum had an mental assessment without him being present.
The Social Services are fond of doing this. Why? I have no idea, but Mr C was raging all over the house this morning and then the red blotches came out.
The human body can react in the most strangest of ways under stress and worry.
It is actually it's way of coping and releasing anything bad.
I woke up this morning far too early and couldn't get back to sleep.
My Mind was whirling around with worry, worry, worry!
Unfortunately my Mindfulness techniques didn't work very well as soon as I became in the present, I was back in the past seconds later, so I eventually gave up and left my Mind to run riot. I was just too tired to fight it.
I had a 'couldn't be bothered' day today.
I hate these days, because I have to push myself to do just the basics in the day and then I feel I have wasted my day and then feel lazy and pathetic.
No, I am not pathetic, I am worthy!
That's one of the things you say to yourself when you are 'tapping'.
I even felt I couldn't do that as my head felt delicate and at one point I imagined my brain was burning! How could it be burning, like some sort of combustion moment?
Think I watched to many horror movies in my youth.
It's quite amazing what you can imagine with anxiety. Like a real life nightmare.
I always had a vivid imagination as a child and used to imagine faces in my bedroom curtains and a monster under my bed.
Now, I just think everything could kill me from eating eggs, (my phobia), to catching every disease. I have become so intent on survival and keeping safe, that I am aware of any small detail that could infect me or end my life.
Health Anxiety is a hard one to overcome.
Even if you get the all clear from the Doc, within a few months/weeks/days, you start thinking and obsessing again about what might be wrong with you or what could kill you. It's like an M.O.T. 100% for that day and as the year goes on, you start to fret whether it will pass again.
I hate living my life like this and I do my upmost to try and just live and not worry, but as soon as I hear of some illness someone has got or a pain in the body; Bang! Here we go again.
Then I look at my partner's mum who is 92, nothing wrong with her and enjoying life with her good sense of humour despite being stuck in a wheelchair or bed.
Maybe that's the answer. Humour. They say that laughing, smiling and playing like a child keeps you young and healthy.
Maybe that's why Bob Hope lived to 100! Cracking jokes and playing golf.
Why is it so hard to control the Mind. Have you ever realised how much stuff runs through your brain when you are making dinner, having a bath or lying in bed.
If you count a day's worth of thoughts and worries, it would run in to hundreds!
So, this is why meditation is very good at giving your brain a rest. We rest our bodies, but not our brains.
I really can't recommend it enough. And if you have never done it before and think it be a bit weird or strange, it can be as simple as just sitting and listening to the birds whistling as you breath gently in and out.
There's so many great apps you can follow online.
Until next time............
---------- Post added at 21:53 ---------- Previous post was at 21:47 ----------
Hi Buster, I had to look up CBD Oil; never heard of it before.
I hope you bought it from a trustworthy source and not from some dodgy Chinese supplier. I know you like a bargain, but this is not something you want to get on the cheap. Hope to hear from you tomorrow.........