Post natal depression
As the title says really, I'm very much struggling at the moment. In fact I'd say I've completely lost it.
I feel terrible writing this, but I'm so depressed. I feel completely overwhelmed with everything. Baby is hungry all the time, and has recently started crying every waking hour for no reason, she's sick quite a lot and it's terrifying, it shoots out so far and there's so much of it that it scares me. Midwife's have said it's fine, I don't think it is. Im worried there's something wrong with her, I'm constantly checking her when she's sleeping, but when she starts to wake up I get a feeling of dread, I'm worn out, last night I broke down in the kitchen at 2am crying uncontrollably then locked myself in my bedroom and my partner had to miss a day of work. He says he understands but his employer won't.
I feel utterly useless, I didn't give birth the right way and now I can't cope or comfort my baby. I love her so much, but I'm feeling like her and dad would be better off without me.
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Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.
And that's a revelation for some people: to realize that your life is only ever now. -Eckhart Tolle